Research impotence (continued)

As researchers we are attracted to issues that we find important, that need more attention to shed light on injustice or mistreatment. However, we have come to a point when the process known sometimes as "cultural critique" has basically been proven not to result in real sustainable social change. By simply staying in the shadows and commenting on issues, as social scientists, we are limiting the impact of our work due to academic procedures. That being said, I am still grappling with how best to use my skills as a researcher, and not be relegated by the impotence that is a fundamental part of traditional academic research.

Last week I had a particularly intense evening of interviews, starting with a man named Mario in his fifties from Honduras that had his leg shot off in a robbery back home. He had lived in the U.S. for a long time and was arrested on several different occasions for drug use. He was deported to Honduras a year ago and while working on the street, thieves tried to rob him and shot him in the leg and the foot with a machine gun. He lost his right leg above the ankle and his big toe on the left foot. Mario and his girlfriend Esmeralda, a nurse that had helped him recover, had traveled to the border on the train. I could not imagine risking the train without two legs. I will admit that when he first started talking I had assumed that he lost his leg on the train. They had been kidnapped for two weeks but the experience was obviously far too sensitive for them to discuss with me at the time. Mario teared up and his effusive storytelling immediately halted. We talked a little while longer about his children that are living in the U.S. He still does not know if he will attempt a crossing or what he will do in the future.

After the first interview I talked to 34 year old woman named Maria. She just spent two months in Eloy, CCA. Because she had been in the U.S. for 21 years, had three U.S. citizen children, she did not want to sign the voluntary departure that effectively removes her claim to residency. She was trying to get an attorney but she didn’t have the money. Maria broke down crying immediately. I found it so hard to keep it together when she was sobbing. I have seen men cry dozens of times, but it was a different story with a woman. My eyes teared up just listening to her.

She has lupus and had to go back to Mexico for treatment because the only thing she could get from a Doctor in the U.S. was Tylenol. Maria had to have an emergency operation while in Durango. She almost died and spent 9 months in recovery. Maria was already having marital problems before she had to go. She had caught her husband with another woman in Phoenix and she broke a bunch of windows, leading to a domestic violence call. Maria was issued a ticket so it came up when she was apprehended two months ago. Maria crossed through Sasabe and walked 2 days in the desert before turning herself in, they had gotten separated from the rest of the group and were lost. Upon apprehension she refused to sign the voluntary depature form because this would negate her claim to legal status that is a result of spending so long living in the U.S. She was detained at the Correction Corporation of America's facility in Eloy, Arizona.

Maria's 16 year old son found a lawyer for her, but he wanted 15,000 USD to get her papers in order. She didn’t have the money. Maria said that she owed 6-8,000 dollars in back taxes. They lost their house, and car this past year because of her medical expenses and the time off work. Because the father is also undocumented, he will not be able to bring the kids to visit her in jail or in Mexico. Moreover, Maria's husband's new woman has two kids of her own that he is also supporting. They are living in a trailer park in Phoenix now and resources are scarce.

She told me, “No soy mala. No soy mala madre"-"I am not bad. I am not a bad mother.” Aside from one visit while she was in CCA, it has been a year since she saw her two children. Her youngest asked why she was there, if she had done something. Maria began to cry again and told me, “Estoy con el sueno Americano destrozado.” "My American dream has been destroyed."

Although she did get good medical attention in the detention facilities (they diagnosed her with uterine cancer) she said that the conditions were so bad that she could not stand it and signed the form just to be able to leave. If they had treated her better she would have stayed to fight her case. Maria explained that there is a lot of violence, drugs, weapons inside. She said that people smoke (weed) there, openly. "They should not be able to do that." Someone was stabbed in the same area where she was being kept, right before she left. There are women and men in the facility although they are mostly separate.

Yesterday she almost tried to cross again. They were going to charge $2500 USD but once she was in the hotel she got scared. She ran away as soon as she got a chance. She said that she was afraid of being kidnapped. She said that she will probably keep trying to cross. She can’t find work here and has no educational record in Mexico.

I did not know what advice to tell her. She is risking a lot by crossing but she knows that. For her, the most important thing is to make it back to the U.S and be with her family. It is frustrating to be a researching in this situation. I gave her some advice about who to speak with here in town but really there is very little support available. The question that I keep asking myself is if my efforts are better used in research or in action. Should I spend my time trying to provide support or look for other ways to provide some actual aid or do I maintain my research objectivity and hope that by understanding and explaining the situation, there will be a greater possibility for major change in the future. I hope my reserach will be valuable, but I am still skeptical.